Part Four

Reconciliation.

That's a good word, better than compromise. Compromise is usually simply a midway point between two opposing positions. Usually the conseqence is mediocrity, or dissatisfaction for both parties since neither get what they really want.
Reconcilliation is a process. It involves understanding and acceptance. Full acceptance. The outcome is wanted. Understanding and acceptance results in a change of wants.
That is what happened to me after I arrived in Trinidad and I accepted that Becky was right and I was wrong. And she accepted and acknowledged that she was wrong in certain issues too.
I came to understand that to be successful in a relationship, one had to accept three principles, and develop the skills to practice these principles.
The three principles are: To Love at all times. To resolve problems rationally, without withdrawing Love, avoiding the use of Fight or Flight. And, to focus ones' attention on self improvement rather than on improving the behavior of the other person.

So we decided to give the relationship another chance.

A year later we got married.

Having a good relationship is like having any skill, whether it is athletic skills or musical skills, they all need practice, lots of it. And practice means practicing the right behavior. Doing the same thing over and over again, if that thing is wrong, does not make you better abled, only more annoying. So we try to practice the right moves, the right behavior. It's not easy when the wrong behaviors have become well entrenched habits.
But like a bad swing in golf, it takes a tremendous amount of patience, and motivation, and the practice of the better swing, to make a significant improvement.

Motivation is essential.

And motivation can only come with true love. I do truly love Becky, and that is my fuel to the engine called motivation. Without the fuel, there is no energy to drive ones' will to succeed.

I am living in a state of Joy, a feeling that is exhilerating.

Joy is a state reached as a consequence of Being grateful, to be alive, to be a human on this planet. It is a consequence of having foregiven all who have made mistakes or who have hurt me in the past. It is a consequence of being able to experience Love. Loving all of Gods' creations, loving as a form of giving, rather than domination, is true love, and it's that form of love which brings Joy. I have found it. It's wonderful.

We have a home on land now. We realized that living full time on a sailboat is not for us. We still like to sail, but we now use Half Moon to sail the winter months only. We also learned that we like conveniences, good food, beautiful scenery, anchorages that are peaceful. So we are selective, and by limiting the time on the boat, we can enjoy life on land, and also look forward a vacation on the water, in the Caribbean.

The Journey continues..always trying to separate reality from fantasy, always trying to improve our behavior towards each other. The journey is good. The cup appears to be half full but that is just an illusion of perception, an illusion of the senses. The cup is always full. Like the moon.

Yes, Half Moon is a good name for my sailboat.

Part Three

PART THREE

LIVING ALONE

It’s 3:30 am. The air has a smell of sweet rain water. The air temperature is warm but not hot. A warmness that feels comfortable and inviting. I step outside into that night air and it envelops me like a Mother that wraps her arms around her child that she loves unconditionally. I feel safe and loved here in Antigua. The blackness of the night is punctuated by the lights on the masts of sailboats, some at anchor and some tied to their slips in the marinas scattered around Falmouth Bay. My sailboat is anchored. I have no lights on as I am miserly when it comes to saving electricity. Though I have solar panels and a wind generator which in total make around 100 amps per day, there are many days that I use more than I make. On those days I have to start the engine and make more with the alternator. This is where I live now, on board a 42’ Pearson 424 sloop sailboat. She’s an old lady with a facelift and a heart transplant. She’s almost 30 years old but her engine is a lot younger. It’s only 10 years old and used only 1500 hours.

I’m awake. It’s not unusual for me to wake up around this time of night. My bladder can’t wait until sunup. And then the thoughts come, uncontrollably. Lots of thoughts and I toss and turn trying to find just the right combination of body position and pillow configuration. But it’s no use, I can’t fall asleep. So I get up and look around. Did I drag? Am I still at anchor where I am supposed to be, where I have been for 10 days? The neighboring boats seem to be in the same place so , no, I have not dragged. I wonder if I’ll drag when summer storms will arrive. Will I even be here when those storms arrive? I hardly know where I’ll be next week let alone 3 months from now. It’s the beginning of Spring now and I’m looking forward to somewhat calmer winds. Those winter winds, called Christmas winds here, have been strong. Gusts to 35 were not uncommon. Cold fronts from the North sweep down towards the Caribbean Sea and suck the trade winds into them, thereby accelerating the already brisk easterlies from their usual 15-20 knots up to 20-25 and even stronger gusts. It made sailing difficult, but, nevertheless, we made it, from the Virgin Islands to St.Martin, St.Barth, St.Kitts, Nevis, Montserrat, Guadeloupe, and finally, Antigua.

This is where she finally decided to get a one way ticket back to the US. Back to her family, back to living on land, and away from me. It has not been a vacation for her. It has not been as pleasant as she had imagined it would be when she suggested we buy a sailboat and travel to the Caribbean Islands. That was 2 years ago and now she has had enough. But mainly, she has had enough of me. She has had enough of the arguing, the fighting over who is right, the fighting over who should be Captain. She is also fed up of looking for provisions and lugging bags to the dinghy and then transferring them onto the boat. She is fed up of moving ten things to get at the one thing she is looking for. Everything is difficult.She is fed up of having to save electricity, of conserving the precious fresh water that we make, using precious electricity. She is fed up of so many things and the sailing that was supposed to be so wonderful is seldom experienced in the way she had fanaticized back then, two years ago when we set off from Beaufort, NC.

I didn’t know what I was getting myself into when I retired and agreed to a life at sea, on a sailboat. After 35 years working in the Chemical Industry, I was not experienced in the sailors’ lifestyle. I read books, and it all sounded pretty good. But you don’t know what something is like until you experience it for yourself because it is the feeling of the experience that counts and you can only feel when you are immersed.
So here I am immersed in the warm air of Antigua. It’s still early in the morning and I am alone.
I read, a long time ago, that loneliness is being alone and not wanting to be alone. But I have since learned that we are always alone even when someone is standing next to us. So what if I am alone now? It’s nice to have someone to talk to and to share what you are experiencing. But when what you are experiencing is not what the other wants to experience, this becomes a problem. Another thing “they” say is that relationships are either for a season, for a reason, or for a lifetime. I haven’t experienced the latter but I’ve had many for a season, sometimes only a day, a week , or a month, and I’ve had several for a reason. Becky was one of those that I had for a reason. I have no idea if I’ll ever find one for a lifetime, and my lifetime now is getting rather short.
Am I feeling loneliness? Is this the feeling of loneliness? I feel something. A kind of sadness. I’m not depressed, no, I know what that feels like. Is this the feeling of grieving? I have lost someone. It’s like a death. Maybe this is grieving? Yet I don’t recall having this feeling when my Father died, nor when my Mother died. So is this the feeling of loneliness?
Relationships, I have had quite a few and I have learned a lot, from all of them, but mainly from those that I had for a reason. And now that I know so much, now that I have finally figured it all out, now that I could have a terrific relationship, NOW, I am alone.


I feel I am beginning to grasp the consequences of being alone, some good, some not so good.

I have come to find the good, even in the bad, a trait for which I am grateful. I’ve enjoyed the freedom of being alone, of not being judged. I can be on the computer as long as I want, eat anything, anytime. I watch videos of comedians at 2:00 am. I laugh out loud at Dana Cook, at 3:30 am. I can write, read, or doing anything I please, anytime. Being alone allows a person to be totally aware of his being, his feelings, desires, and fears.

I know I am right when I claim I have the knowledge of what it takes to be happy. It takes three ingredients.
Gratefulness, Forgiveness and Love. I am grateful, I have forgiven, but I need to Love. Without someone to Love, happiness is unavailable. What I feel right now is not loneliness, yet I am lonely. What I feel is the loss of Love. I can not feel the Love. It’s like an electric cord that has been disconnected from the wall socket. The current can not flow. The current of Love has stopped. The love is now contained inside of me, unable to flow. I am damned.

That is the sadness that I feel. That is the happiness I once had that I have lost. I am indeed grieving.While I did not feel the same feeling when my parents died, it was not because I did not love them. No, I loved them very much, but I had a lot of time to accept their loss, since they were sick with cancer. I felt happiness for their passing because I loved them and wished their suffering to end. I had accepted losing them.

If I am truly serious about Self Actualization, I need to be careful that now that I am alone, I don’t stay stuck in a static form of life. Accepting who I am rather than to strive to achieve my full potential. Many think that Self Actualization means discovering who you are, accepting who you are, and living a life congruent with who you are. That is only partly true. It can also be a lazy mans’ way out, avoiding the changes and the growth to become who you can be, living a life that attains ones’ full potential, living life fully. Being free from slavery, free from addictions.

This is why Becky, in many ways, was a good partner. She did not accept me the way I am. She pushed me to become a better man. Yet I pushed back. I pushed back because I feared that her criticism was a lack of love for who I am. I feared that it was the same as what my Father got from my Mother.Yet, he had deserved some of the criticism! Just I like deserve it! I do need to change and grow and learn new skills!I am wrong to push back vehemently the criticism that I deserve. She was just trying to help, annoying as it was to me. She just did not know how to do it in the correct way!

I am coming to the conclusion that it will take a very special someone for me to go back to land. I don’t want to buy a home and start looking because I may have to go far to find the right person.

The right person must be earthy.She must be comfortable with the outdoors and a minimalist life style with little material possessions. She should love water and horses and be a good cook and adore me. We should be spiritually connected through a common love for Nature and a reverence for the process which created this wonder.

I am becoming so sure of what I want. This is a consequence of my increased introspection and connection with my feelings, with my inner Self. It’s wonderful to be so connected. It’s like becoming reborn.I also know what kind of woman I want and what I don’t want. It’s practically impossible to explain. I’ll know for sure this time. Becky came close.

And yet I feel disconnected from her now.

Differences are what makes us all unique people. Our culture influences who we are, these roots can be tenacious as I learned with all my relationships with women.

I have examined my relationships with women and concluded that I have been drawn to women who appeared to me to be needy. I felt superior and strong because I had the money, I had the good education and the good job and they would admire me for that. I would be the hero, the Prince that rescues the damsel in distress. The damsel would be forever grateful to me and so remain loyal and I could count on her even well into old age.

That did not work out well. The damsel would be resentful and would try to even out the balance of power by trying to either put me down through criticism. In addition, it was clear to me and to her that although I had money and a good education, I was nevertheless weak in many ways. My recent experience in trying to become a sailor is a perfect example of appearing, and being, weak. I was not able to be entirely self sufficient and became overly dependent on her. That only served to reinforce the need to control and to master, and that led to frustration as control and mastery is not possible in today’s modern society. That is left to other patriarchal cultures.


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My Journey to Self Actualization has ended. I realized that a few of days ago. I have achieved what I have considered to be a life long quest. I now know exactly what it is to be Self Actualized. It’s really amazing in its simplicity, yet I know now that I have not experienced this state , this way, ever before in my life.

It is the most liberating experience!But I also realize that the Journey to Self Actualization is not a Journey that ends at a destination. Self Actualization is not a destination, not even a stop along the way. Self Actualization is simply a change in “comportement” . It’s a state of being that is simply that.. A state, a frame of mind, a freedom to be and not a state of trying to be, but mainly, it's living in the moment, being fully aware of your experience as it is happening.

But the Journey continues, the future is compelling. But now the Journey is continued as a Self Actualized person rather than one who is searching for it.

I realized it a few days ago, during my walk, as I walked up a steep hill, on my way to the beach. I was walking up and feeling the strain of the climb, making me think how much this resembles life itself, a steady climb. Then I reached the crest of the hill and could see the ocean. The magnificent ocean, the beauty of Nature all around me, I had a “peak experience” that moment. At that moment I had a contact with my soul, with my Self, and I felt what it was to be Self Actualized and knew this time, it was going to last forever.

And so far, what is normally just a fleeting sensation that lasts only as long as the peak experience, this time it has stayed with me.

I realize also that this time I am free from concern about my Self Esteem. I am very content that I am a good person. Regardless that I have some faults, that I am not the best writer, not the best sailor, not the best musician, not the best lover, not the best cook, not the best mechanic, not even the best business man. But I am the best at being me.

I believe that by adopting the 10 Commandments as my roadmap to Goodness, and by being able to Love, really Love, and be Grateful to be alive, and to have Forgiven all who have brought me pain in the past, I am indeed a Good person , a worthy person, a person who can be counted on to at least try his best. This is why I feel my Self esteem needs are fulfilled.

But the Journey is not over, it is never over because the Destination is only reached when you die. The Journey now is all about being Good, and Living. I will Live now as a free man, free to be ME without regard to whether someone judges me one way or the other because only I can be Judge and I judge myself to be quite OK.

I can Live congruent with my real Self, I am not my Persona, my Persona is a tool, like clothing , that I use in certain situations where my Persona is appropriate.

I feel exhilaration. I feel a freedom that I have never ever in my life felt like this before.Being Self Actualized brings a feeling that is almost indescribable. It is like a constant feeling of contentment yet that is not what it is. Imagine skiing at the top of the world, in the Alps, and the clouds are beneath you, as well as the town. There is nothing above you other than blue sky and you feel the way the poet Sam McGee expressed it.. You feel you can reach out and touch the face of God. At that moment, you do not think about work, you do not think about whether your wife loves you or criticizes you, you don’t criticize yourself for being inept in certain ways, of lacking skills in anything...no, you are entirely in the present and entirely aware of the pleasure you are experiencing and that is the only thing that you feel and think, and the you that feels all this is the Self, the real and only you. It is the you and not the “you” you would like to be , nor the you that you would like not to be. It’s the you the very real and unique you.So now this is what I feel all the time, that contact with the real me and that I am the real me.

But this is not a destination, it’s a liberation. It’s like continuing a trip but taking off the jacket that you were wearing because you don’t need it now, the weather is warm and you are continuing your trip without the need of a jacket, without the need to fulfill my need for Self Esteem. Self Esteem is no longer my preoccupation. Living life is my preoccupation now, and Living a life that is congruent with who I am. And I know exactly who I am, who I can Love, what I can do and not do.

Now is the best time of my life.

I am so much looking forward to tomorrow, to continue the Journey.

PART Two

PART TWO

THE JOURNEY , SAILING


What is this trip all about?

Is it a journey into self discovery?

Is it simply just a change in lifestyle from living in a house with all its conveniences but also trappings , to living on a boat with all its inconveniences but freedom to travel from place to place?

The conflict between the negatives and positives creates a dynamic tension which feeds self awareness. This fodder needs to be used effectively. Perhaps this experience can also be used as a source of learning for others thinking of doing a similar adventure.

It’s interesting to note the reactions of people when I told them of my plans to sell everything and move onto a sailboat. These reactions reflect the paradigms that exist. It’s amazing to realize how wrong people can be with their perceptions and conclusions. If people are wrong about the world of living on a sailboat, what else are they wrong about? Probably most everything.

Why is reality so hard to grasp?In my experience, I have found that without a substantial, almost daily living of the experience, knowledge about the situation is distorted and substantially incorrect. I have learned a lot about the Plastics Industry and Polyurethanes in particular, but it took working in the Industry 35 years. I know a lot about horses because of 30 years’ involvement, but it wasn’t a full time involvement, hence I believe I still have a lot to learn.So you can imagine all my misperceptions about sailing and living aboard a sailboat.

So let’s list some of my positive views starting out.
1) The most important reason to live on a sailboat is that it will allow me to visit a lot of different places, such as the Bahamas and the Caribbean islands. Maybe even sail to Europe or the South Pacific.
2) I don’t have to worry about grass, or snow removal.
3) There’s something really cozy about living in a small area. Or, that may be a negative.
4) It forces you to become more self reliant. Or, that may be a negative.
5) You can live more cheaply, maybe. But a boat depreciates while a house goes up in value (well, not always).

The negatives.
1) Weather…Hurricanes!!!! Being so much at the mercy of weather. It’s a real loss of control.
2) Boredom, the selection of things to do is limited.
3) Limitations of not having a car.
4) Maintenance of the boat is tedious work.I think an overall statement can be made that the cruising life is full of uncertainty, change is continuous.

The ability to adapt to change and learn new skills is vital. Good health, strong discipline, agility, and the ability to get along with one’s mate, are the key ingredients necessary to succeed in this lifestyle.

Being close to Nature has been an important consideration for me. I’ve always felt joy when close to Nature, and, stress when in the city. I dislike the city, though not to the point where I do not ever want to enjoy some of its’ attributes, occasionally. A small farm could work for me too. A few horses, some chickens, a nice garden, is quite attractive as an alternative to cruising.

The cruising life places one very close to Nature too, including the perils of hurricanes and the possibility of loss of life. But this peril is far less likely than getting hit by a car and dying when on land. So I would conclude that loss of life should not enter into the comparison. Rather, we should stick with a simple model.
Farm/land vs. boat/water.
Rooted vs. nomad

Nothing needs to be permanent.But if I don’t sail now, I never will. Ageing is my enemy with his lifestyle.Engaging the neo cortex is critical, as always. Emotions and feelings need to be considered and understood. This is about making a deliberate choice, based on facts not fiction. Get all the facts including those stemming from your most inner being. But get the facts not the fiction. Know the causal relationships and get to the real issues. Make your choice knowing it’s not forever. Experiment to learn new information. The decision is hard when you lack all the relevant information. The decision can be wrong when you base it on fiction.Don’t be afraid of being wrong. Move ahead as this contributes to learning. Experience is needed. Touch, feel, sense, taste the life and then you’ll know better.So I choose to cruise, it's now or never!

Sailing life can be a humbling experience. Being outside your area of expertise requires a strong will to not feel foolish, incompetent and weak. It’s a learning experience. It requires a person to become very self reliant. That’s a good thing because self reliance is needed for many functions in Life, not just sailing.

I am a klutz. I have to accept that fact. Just like I’ve accepted that I’m not athletic. I’m not mechanically minded either. I’m not agile. I don’t think in mechanical terms. I think in abstract concepts. I can look at things and figure out strategies. I can figure out probabilities. I’m futuristic. I have a lot of wonderful talents. She’ll just have to learn to accept me the way I am, not make fun of me, and love me this way. Or not. That’s her choice and her responsibility. My responsibility is to accept me the way I am.By accepting myself, a huge burden is removed, and the stress goes away.
That’s the reality. Anything else is fantasy, wishful thinking.

I can grow a beard and look like a sailor, but that doesn’t make me a sailor. I can sail a boat, but that still doesn’t make me a sailor, only in the eyes of the unfamiliar will I pass for a sailor. But if being handy, and mechanically minded is a prerequisite for being a true sailor, then I’m not and never will be, a true sailor. I can not transform myself into someone I’m not.
I’ll never be mechanical, athletic, or even a great dancer. I have to accept that as reality.
A great baseball pitcher is not a great home run hitter. He accepts that fact and is Self Actualized when he accepts himself for who he is. Why not accept that I’m good at some things and not good at other things?
So maybe this is what this trip is all about. Dealing with who am I really and accepting who I am. Maybe that’s it for Becky too. Accepting who I am.



This journey is clearly a journey into self discovery. Being who I am and who I can become is very appealing and it makes all of the difficulties worthwhile. I learned a long time ago that stress, tension, conflict and adversity, are the drivers of self awareness, change, and growth . This clearly applies to this boating lifestyle.If Self Actualization is a result of using the full capacity and potential of the brain, in a TOTAL fashion, then perhaps the problem will be solved through a time dependant process. Is a person ever truly Self Actualized, or does a person simply work within the process of Becoming Self Actualized? I think it’s the latter, and to the observer, that person appears to Be Self Actualized.So, for me, I need to continually examine the results of my actions and determine whether these results are truly satisfying me, view the results as consequences of actions taken, and then figure out what actions would bring improved consequences.

I have made a decision to cruise. At this point in time it’s premature to evaluate whether the decision was a good one. The results are not in yet. But, it’s a certainty that the results will not be satisfying if my actions are not correct… “garbage in, garbage out”. If I am to enjoy this lifestyle, I need to be good at many things which, so far, is new and outside my comfort zone based on previous experience. As I feel the discomfort of the new lifestyle, I gravitate back to thoughts of areas for which I have some expertise and, therefore, comfort. These include desires to train horses, be a psychologist, examine balance sheets and income statements, etc.

Applied to the cruising lifestyle, the question would be posed this way: Should I be a Sailor if I am not mechanically handy or should I become mechanically handy so that I can be a Sailor? Is there a gene that controls and determines mechanical ability? There is a genetic component to athletic ability, musical ability, conceptualization and mathematical ability…so is there a mechanical ability gene? If there is such a gene, will I always be dependant on good mechanics and boat yards? Can Becky keep me on the right path of proper attentiveness to the tasks required for sufficient seamanship? Or will she lose respect for me because of my inabilities in this area? Will I lose interest because I’m not intrinsically mechanically minded, nor even a true sailor? I don’t know the answer to these questions, but I do know that it will require the passage of time and the proper amount of dedication to learn and succeed.But is this trait really a genetic predisposition? Or, did early successes and failures mold the future direction of interests and therefore increasing ability and inability? If the latter, then weak areas can be addressed and substantially improved. If the former, then some improvement can still be realized, but a dependence on strategy and tactics to compensate for weaknesses would be important. I don’t really know which is correct. I believe such traits as musical ability and athletic ability are mostly genetic, but I’m not sure if mechanical ability is genetic or learned. I am sure that some learning, and therefore improvement, can take place. It is not a major issue and I can enjoy a lifestyle of cruising regardless because I’m capable of learning. Whether I ever enjoy it is another matter. But I am capable of becoming better than I am currently and I’m capable of enjoying cruising as a consequence of achieving a greater capability than the level where I am now.It continues to be hot and somewhat boring.

I’m increasingly getting concerned about alcoholism. Why do boaters drink so much? Why do we drink everyday? I don’t think this is healthy. I intend to stop drinking everyday, even if it means stopping completely.Is it due to boredom?



Half Moon is a good name for my sailboat. It symbolizes not only illusions but also reality. Half Moon is yin and yang, it’s the cup, half full or half empty. To a pessimist, Half Moon is lacking something. It’s deficient like a cup that is half empty…not enough…disappointing. To the optimist, the cup is almost full, quite full in fact. But still disappointing since it turns out that it isn’t as full as she thought. In both cases, disappointment is the result and unhappiness is the feeling experienced. The outcome to this is that the person loves the cup less and less until there is no love for the cup, in fact sometimes even hatred. Why does this cup disappoint me all the time?To the realist, the cup is always whole. It’s the water in it that occupies half it’s volume. Drinking from the cup brings no disappointment. Only joy, as the water is refreshing and it quenches the thirst. Even after drinking from the cup, it remains intact. The cup never runs dry.

Ignorance is bliss….someone said that and it stuck. There is some truth to that. Maybe that is why some people prefer not to discuss weighty subjects. Island Time may offer a return to the simple life, to a life where the day is filled with simple tasks, such as provisioning, cooking, fixing, cleaning, swimming, traveling, anchoring, having a drink…and so on. No bills to pay, no money to earn, no obligations to others, a sort of return to the womb. It’s appealing to most, especially to the stressed. No TV, no world news, no shootings, no reminders of the stressful life we lead, now past tense. Escape to paradise.Yet disappointment will follow, as boredom and meaningless activity result in a life that is not contributing to God’s Plan. This can work for a few years. A cleansing from the past. A time to reflect and a time to shed old habits, to kick the addictions and to learn new and better behaviors. That is the value of the Journey.

Every man’s path is unique. There is no Plan. There is only a path that is the result of turns taken and turns not taken. A process of continuous change, adaptation and trial and error. Lessons learned, applied or not, mistakes made and remade. At the end of the road is nothingness. There is no final destination. Just ashes to ashes, dust to dust. A few are immortalized by their actions. Most die having affected their children and a few friends. Many times the affect has been negative, a problem which needs to be solved by the younger generation.

As for me, I don’t know what turn I will make next. I do know that I’m happiest when I’m in touch with Nature. I smile when I see birds, dolphins, horses, cats and dogs, beautiful flowers and lush greenery. Snow capped mountains, sprawling fields of wild flowers, the smell of horse sweat, blue lakes, surf in the ocean, the oceans’ salt and decaying marine life. The color of coral and myriads of fish.I sail but I am not a sailor. Sailing is a mode of transportation and a means to experience the ocean and the coral reefs that I love so much. Sailing is like skiing or horseback riding…a recreation. Can it become a lifestyle? Can I become a sailor? Time will tell.

All Islands are basically the same. Beaches, swimming, some sight seeing, beautiful flowers…etc. Travel needs to include some sailing. We like to sail and we need to sail. We need to travel. This is about travel, sailing, warm weather, simplicity, and escape from mind numbing TV and News. The sailboat has some challenges, maintenance, the sailing itself, and the dealing with weather. All of that can be dealt with and a feeling of self sufficiency and self worth is begotten. Contact with one’s true self is inevitable, and self actualization is possible. It’s cleansing and rejuvenating. A person can be reborn. Time will reveal whether or not this lifestyle is sufficient or if it’s boring. For now, I like it a lot.


The practice of TOTAL is fine until one is caught up and focused on a difficult or stressful task. Then the stress of the task is the emotional input that locks out the functioning of TOTAL. Mental resources become confined to the task. TOTAL seems not possible without some form of de- focus from the task. I need to experiment with that. The other day, while docking against the forces of strong winds, I lost TOTAL while focused on the docking maneuver. In those moments of heightened alert and focus, of stress and anxiety over whether or not I will succeed, I lose TOTAL. Is TOTAL itself a theoretical , but not practical, concept? Time and continued effort will tell…but perhaps it doesn’t work.

I know one thing…. I can not count on Becky to change her behavior in order to help me. She either does not understand or she has as much difficulty changing her behavior as I have changing mine.Overcoming the tendency to be rude when angry is the single most important task I have to accomplish if I am to succeed with being a partner in a relationship. I can kiss this Sailing Life goodbye if I fail. I can only focus on my behavior. That is the only thing I can change. Or can I even change that?Of course I can. I have Free Will. God gave me Free Will. Why is it so hard to use it?

I talk too much.

Thinking does not require talking.

What is the point? I ask myself this question these days. Retirement brings new challenges to the need for goal oriented behavior. Prior, one spends a great deal of time working. To earn a living and save for retirement. Working 50 hours a week requires some down time to relax and restore the batteries so you can go back to work. But after you stop working, what is the goal? I suppose it would be an easy answer to say, stay alive, stay healthy, live to an old age. So activities could be directed at staying stress free, eating and exercising, and enjoying the bounties of the Planet. The sailboat offers the opportunity to travel and experience places I could not readily while employed.But for some reason, I feel guilty, perhaps bored, perhaps a feeling of meaninglessness, whatever that is exactly is hard to describe, but a feeling nonetheless. An “ennui”.

Self discovery is good. Self improvement is good. But this “self” centeredness seems not so good. Is it a conditioned response? A guilt?Can I look forward to each day even if it means doing virtually nothing? Am I conditioned to feel guilty if I don’t accomplish something meaningful? Or is this an innate need ? I just can’t stop thinking that I need to do something more meaningful...something to make this a better world. To give something of myself back. It nags at me.

I look at people who do nothing but get drunk everyday and I feel loathing. I know absolutely that this lifestyle is not for me.Retirement is being free from having to work for a living. Having a lot more “free time”. But what to do with this “free time”.

And is time really important? Is time a concept of fiction. Time is measured in sunrises and seasons. But time is infinite. So how important is a day, a week , a year? If importance is to be a form of measurement, then what is important? What makes anything “important”?In the big scheme, saving the Planet from destruction is “important”. Since humans are the most dangerous predator to the Planet, then educating and motivating humans is “important”. One life is less important than the well being of the Planet, but one life is worth saving if that life is dedicated to saving rather than destroying the Planet. Each life needs to be examined and each life must take a decision….to be a savior or a destroyer. You start by saving yourself, by being healthy, and intelligent, and wise. I distinguish wisdom from intelligence by saying success is 10% idea and 90% execution. Being intelligent is only the 10%. Knowing how to effectively apply that intelligence is wisdom.This is where I’m failing. I know a lot but I don’t know how to apply it. This needs to become my objective, my goal, and what I will do now with my “free time”.


Retirement.

It’s difficult to find the right way to spend time. After the traveling and provisioning, the swimming and cleaning and eating and planning and reading, there isn’t much time left in a day. But the guilt is there, the guilt that I am not doing something meaningful. I’m not solving the problems of the World. I see many problems. But I’m not doing anything. Where does action begin? Is picking up trash on the beach a worthwhile activity? Not for me.I resent that the very rich can have huge homes here and enjoy the Island, yet what do they give back?Is it envy?Am I lazy?Do I really care?When am I happiest?A loving partner, a look at anything beautiful. Sunsets, sunrises, waves on the water, fish, coral, birds, a little crab. The feel of wind in the sails. Quiet. A good meal, good sex, a restful sleep.

We should elect people to power who care about the problems of the World, for they have the power to make changes. Individuals have the power to vote. Individuals have the power to not throw garbage onto the beach. Individuals have the power to not kill endangered species, to not buy drugs, to get an education, to learn a skill, to lend a helping hand.It may be just that simple after all. The Individual need not change the world. Just lend a helping hand whenever it’s needed and whenever it’s possible. But the gift of life is a gift, not a debt.Enjoy life, be good.For me, this means travel, swim, see. Eat well, sleep well, be happy, loving, caring. Live life fully.Do not wait for death, do not fear that which is not dangerous.Be Free, free from all addictions.

Yes, I may.

Yes, I may. I may give myself choice and permission.I’m not a saint, far from it, I’m a human with faults. I can become mean when angry. But I’m also a human who is wonderful, kind and giving. I just do not tolerate criticism. I will not be judged by anyone but me or God. I judge sufficiently. I do not need, nor want, anyone else’s criticism. They may choose to love me, hate me, or ignore me. That is their choice. But an unsolicited lecture is not welcomed. Therein lies my problem with Becky. She is constantly scorning, criticizing, demanding, and lecturing. At this stage in my life that is very annoying, irritating beyond description.And she just doesn’t get it. She does it with her daughter too. Who knows, she may have done it with all her family and loved ones.
Yes, we had another fight. This time it was different for me. I was in a good mood, not stressed at all, no early signs of anxiety and potential to be angry. We had just finished furling the jib and a sheet had caught on the forward hatch requiring us to take our attention away from where we were and I lost sight of Point Set Rock. Becky saw it and pointed it our to me and I was surprised that we had come completely around 180 degrees. I expressed that surprise and used the “F” word, casually. I got a scornful look and when I asked what was that look for she launched into a lecture and angry criticism of my constant use of the “F” word. That irritated me and I lost it. I got angry, defensive and , yes, rude. Once again, I failed to maintain my TOTAL focus. Her anger at me raised my emotions and TOTAL got short circuited. I was caught off guard. I did not expect, and so did not prepare, for her criticism, her scornful look. I wasn’t able to intercede with TOTAL. I lost it.

I won’t know until I live it fully. There is a part of me that wants to escape from the trappings of modern life, the TV, movies, traffic, cars, furnishings, etc. Yet there is a part of me that doesn’t want to escape.There is a part to me that seeks a warm climate, a simple life where swimming, fishing, eating, reading and writing, occupy my time. Yet I fear boredom, illness without good medical care, and lack of good food.I think that by traveling down the path of Plan 1, it will be revealed to me, just with what and where I am comfortable. Meanwhile, I must be patient, without the answer.

There are many types of sailors/boaters here. There are those who use their boats as a means of transportation with a built in home. These fall into three classes. Those who are tourists and are short term travelers, those who are tourists and are long term travelers, and those who are true travelers. The latter are a restless kind looking for something. Then there are those who are not travelers but rather just use their boats as a floating home, cheap waterfront property. There are many of these here in the Hope Town Harbor. These more often are power boaters, though many have sailboats. They are the “regulars” . Some end up buying property and they still participate in the “cruisers net”.Among the travelers, there are Nomads, true travelers with virtually no possessions other than their sailboat. They are happiest when moving. But not all travelers are Nomads. Some travel to see places and to discover where they wish to settle down. It is this group to which I belong.

A year later…A lot has happened.

We spent the summer in Luperon. It was a long 4 months. Becky went back for a week to visit her family. We had sped through the Southern Bahamas to get to the Turks because she needed to catch a flight to be at her daughters’ graduation in early June and that put us in Luperon by mid June. That was much earlier than I had planned, originally. It made the stay in Luperon far too long. We left October 13 and were delighted to be on the move again, finally!

Puerto Rico was an eye opener. The convenience of the US, and its’ efficiency and effectiveness, along with Caribbean weather and beaches, mountains etc, drove home the point that I like it better when I’m not in a too remote and backward country and I’m able to speak the language.Meanwhile, I am enjoying this lifestyle. I feel much less pressure to be working at some meaningful endeavor. I am more convinced that simplicity is best. Less is more.

Have I learned something about myself that I didn’t know before?

I have learned that habits are hard to break.I have learned that I can learn new skills but it takes a lot of time.I have learned that emotions over ride reasoning. That Enlightenment is like hindsight vision. The vision is wonderful. The vision may even be considered insightful, but it is a vision in hindsight. I now believe I was wrong to think that I could control my emotions with a neo cortex that is fully in control 24/7.

Monks achieve a state of mind over mind but they are immersed in an artificial world without the stresses of new challenges, new skills being demanded.I have been stressed and challenged to become someone different than who I have been for 60 years. I have been stressed by criticism of my abilities and even criticism of my character, to which I reacted strongly and passionately. The Law of Physics is very clear. To each action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Disrespect received results in disrespect given. Distrust begets distrust, and so on.Love begets Love, but disrespect nullifies and extinguishes Love.Becky has been either unwilling or unable to grasp this concept. Or she is just extremely intolerant of a weakness in character.

I have noticed that there are many kinds of “cruisers”. Some are people on vacation, a very long vacation. They are tourists all the time. They visit islands like tourists, first reading about the points of interest and then renting a car or taxi to go and visit these places. They also enjoy beaches and snorkeling. But these people need other people, guests, to come and visit them so that they can be motivated to continue this vacationing type of lifestyle, by having people vacation with them. These people are indeed coming on a vacation and that helps to spur the vacation-like activities.

I am not on vacation.

I am retired, I don’t need to work, but my home is my boat. I live like a person on land except that I live on a boat. That boat allows me to move to another anchorage if I am no longer satisfied where I am.I do like to travel, to sail when the weather and sea conditions are excellent.

But I am not a tourist. Forts, museums and so on do not really appeal to me. I live an existence to eat, sleep, love and just enjoy the sunrises and sunsets. I enjoy learning about what makes things work well, especially as it applies to people and their behavior. I’d like to write a book and contribute to society in some small but meaningful way.I have had a good life, not free of stress, not free of sadness, disappointments, failures, mistakes, and confusions. A good life nevertheless. I measure success by measuring my sense of freedom. Freedom to be who I am and not a slave to another person , drug, or bad habits like gambling, adulterous behavior, lying and cheating. In that measure I have been successful enough, good enough, not perfect, not flawless, but good enough. I am basically happy, content that even with a cup half full, I can enjoy it’s contents without regret that it is only half full, or envy for others; whose cup may be overflowing. I don’t feel poor when I find myself next to others with nicer, newer boats. It is a wonderful feeling to be free from the chains of envy.

However, the most important form of success, for me, has been difficult to attain. That is to Love and be Loved. While I feel that I can Love, though I am very selective, I have not felt being Loved often enough. Being Loved means being Loved for who I am, and not for who someone wants me to become, or because I bring financial security and a sense of self esteem for a person who considers me a “good catch”.

So, I have become what the cruisers call “ a live-a- board”. Cheap waterfront property, in Paradise. For Becky, that is not what she wants. She wants to be a cruiser like tourist and a sailor. But she has found that being a tourist is not something one can do for a long time. And, sailing the oceans is not like sailing a small lake. The oceans are capricious, dangerous, and not very cooperative. Boats break down and the consequences are far more significant and debilitating than breakdowns in a house. The mere chore of provisioning food and parts for the boat is a challenge, a hassle and difficult in many places. Wind becomes as much an enemy as a friend, and many times a much more severe adversary than one can handle. Hurricanes and the threat of hurricanes dampen ones’ enjoyment of living on a boat for almost 5 out of 12 months of the year. That is almost half of the time. High winds or low winds, winds from the wrong direction, all contribute to frustrations and a feeling that one is not in control. Many times you feel stuck, waiting for the right winds and sea state.

So, what is good about this lifestyle? Not very much, according to Becky and she has decided to move back on land.

As for me, I like it. I like being on the water with no grass to mow no snow to shovel, no neighbors if I choose. No traffic and cars to avoid. I like the warm weather and cooler breezes at night. I have yet to discover whether I like it as much or better if I live alone, however. Time is needed.I may give it up too. It may be that I find myself to be too remote from people with whom I wish to be with.I have come to be very close to God. I can listen and hear Him, and He helps me when I am confused. He sends messengers and I have learned how to listen and hear the message. This has helped me immensely numerous times. Now is such a time.

He has sent me three messengers.

One said…..”it’s all about money for women. Spend enough on them and they will be happy”. “ After all, sex will soon become unnecessary. I have my own interests apart from hers and I can pursue them and she hers’. We are together and we are apart”.
The other said……“we live six months in our home and six months on our boat. We have stored our boat in Antigua the past 8 years and are very happy.”
The third said……“I have found that after the romancing and the courting is over, relationships either continue to improve or they deteriorate and end up failing to be sustained.” “Ours has continued to improve over the past 30 years.”

So what consequences should I infer from these messages?The first is that a foundation is critical if one is to build a house that can be sustained. That is the meaning of the third message.The second is that too much of anything can lead to boredom. Variety is important. That is the message from the first and second messengers.The third is that if you find yourself with a partner that does not quite fit with your plans and desires, if you have enough money, you can still satisfy both persons needs. That is the message from the first messenger.

The foundation for a successful partnership with another person consists of three essential ingredients:
1) Love and affection
2) An intelligent, rational, unemotional problem solving procedure to resolve conflicts.
3) A focus solely on ones’ own behavior and not a critical approach to your partners’ shortcomings.

Becky and I failed in our relationship because we failed to have the last 2 ingredients in our daily recipe of actions.But sometimes it takes more than two attempts to get it right.I believe I can do #2, but only with a partner who can do it also, because it is too frustrating to do it without reciprocation. That frustration leads to a breakdown and then sarcasm and anger becomes the resulting behavior.Number 3 is tricky, similar to #2, it’s like a dance. We must both do the Tango or else it doesn’t work. Some people are poor dancers. They are best at dancing by themselves, hence the popularity of today’s forms of dances, gyrating on the dance floor, near your partner but not leading your partner. This form of dance reflects a kind of selfishness and an independence from, rather than a dependence on, each other. Yet, the irony is that these same, so called independent people, are very much dependent on the other for security and self esteem. And no one wants to be dependent on someone who is weak or untrustworthy. Hence, the difficulty to achieve #3.

I am no longer a cruiser. I’m a live aboard, a harbor rat. So what do live a boards do?They do what live on land in a house do. Except they have different maintenance tasks. I need to get to know the island and it’s offerings. I’ll rent a car from time to time. Find where I can meet people. Go to a gym, a movie, restaurants, bars, sporting events, and whatever else I may think of and is available. On the boat, I write, read, eat, sleep. Maybe I can get TV reception?

I plan to write a lot.

There are many kinds of sailors. Some are day sailors, others sail weekends, some even go away for vacation, a week or two at a time. But when you retire, you now have the opportunity to sail a lot. You can become a full time cruiser. A cruiser visits many places, and uses his boat as a home. It’s like owning an RV and seeing the whole country over an extended period of time. Some cruisers cruise for 6 months and return home for the other six months. Many of these cruise southern waters in the winter and return home for the summer. That way they also deal with having the boat and themselves in a safe place for the summer hurricane season which, officially, is June 1 to Nov 30. Still others go on a longer journey and cruise the whole year round. These have to figure out a strategy to be in a safe place for the hurricane season.It is this latter type that I thought I was in. We cruised for 2 years, starting in Beaufort N.C. mid March 2006. We summered at a marina in Charleston, S.C for that first summer. It was a long 4 months in a marina, hot, and somewhat boring. But we had A/C and at that time we had a vehicle with which to get around and my house in Detroit was still up for sale, so we needed to stay reasonably close.

We sailed to the Bahamas and spent the winter there, ending up in Luperon, Dominican Republic for the 4 months of the 2007 hurricane season. Again, it was hot, and boring. But we made it without experiencing the horrors of a hurricane. Luperon is a very safe hurricane hole.

Once we left, it was very nice, except we could not sail much. Heading east while the trade winds blow, from the east, is difficult, so we motored a lot. Puerto Rico was great as was the Virgin Islands. We had some mechanical problems which took some of the sailing and visiting days away from us as we tended to those issues. Eventually we made it to St.Martin, then St.Barth, St.Kitts, Nevis, Montserrat, Guadeloupe, and finally, now we are in Antigua.We enjoyed visiting the islands, renting a car and truly seeing these places, but in the end, we did not spend our time like tourists on vacation. The islands started to resemble each other, similar beaches, similar botanical gardens, rain forests, etc. In short, the drudgery of provisioning, the endless waiting for a good weather window, reading, writing, eating, sleeping ( when the harbor was not rolling), all these factors added up to boredom out weighing the excitement of reaching a new destination. So let’s face it, we have become live a boards. We have no house as it sold last year, so our boat is our home.

The situation has changed dramatically for me. Becky, my first mate, does not want to be a live a board. She has decided to go home and has taken a one way ticket back.

I will stay with the boat. One of the issues of living in a space as small as a sailboat 24/7, for 2 years with virtually no time away from each other, is that the stresses of the lifestyle is released mainly through actions directed at your partner. My frustrations and resulting anger gets vented in her direction, hers’ in mine. She complained a lot, criticized many aspects of this lifestyle and in so doing dampened what pleasures we could have obtained by casting a dark cloud over most everything. I did not react well to that. We argued and fought too much. So now it’s over, and I am alone, in Antigua, the bulls’ eye for the hurricanes crossing the Atlantic, from Africa.

So a live a board in Antigua, with plans to go to Grenada, probably. Time will tell how this unfolds, but no doubt it will unfold as it should.How do I spend the day?I get up in the morning and make coffee, read the morning news. I write for 1-2 hours, I swim for 30 minutes and then shower off. Go into town and buy some provisions. Come back and read the noon update for the news. Have lunch. Read a book for one hour, take a small nap. Catch the mid afternoon news and closing stock market action. Make supper, read for an hour, catch up on e-mails, go to sleep.On weekends, I’ll go to the beaches.

What a Life!!



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PART One

PART ONE

UNDERSTANDING SELF ACTUALIZATION

I have been impacted by Socrates’ words “know thyself” since early childhood. I read it somewhere, sometime, and it stayed with me. I think it was an English class in grade school. Know thyself meant knowing who I am and that was a very strange question for a young boy. Later, who I am became who I am becoming, because “I am” is a static state and I was growing, learning and changing. Though there were some fundamentals which were basic and were not going to change. For example, I was not an athlete, and would never excel at sports.

The concept of “becoming” then morphed into “Self Actualization”, a term I learned from Abraham Maslow. It also resulted in a life long quest to make sure I didn’t fall short of becoming who I was meant to be. So that meant I needed to figure it all out.Maslow described a hierarchy of needs. Each level’s needs have to be fulfilled before the next level can be reached, and so on until one’s need for Self Esteem is fulfilled. Then one can take on the need for Self Actualization. So one’s Physiological needs, Safety needs, and Belongingness needs must be fulfilled even before one’s need for Self Esteem can be fulfilled. Once these needs are fulfilled, a person can go on to Self Actualization. Man is by nature a Being seeking freedom, growth, adaptation and the fulfillment of all his needs. Fulfillment of all needs is the necessary pre curser to Self Actualization. If Maslow is correct, Man continues to strive to fulfill his needs throughout his lifetime.

Financial restraints may make it difficult to be successful at attaining a constant fulfillment of the basic, lower level, physiological and safety needs. And, sometimes, the physiological need for sex is so powerful, remaining consistently unfulfilled, that this one need alone keeps an individual from ever getting even near to approaching Self Actualization. For those who do succeed, Belongingness may be the obstacle for further growth. They feel alienated from Society, they feel rejection, or the rejections from childhood maintains a strong hold over the individual and the need for Belongingness never becomes fulfilled. For those who succeed, the next step is Self Esteem. This need is the one that the majority of people have the most problem to deal with. In Western Society, self esteem is measured by possessions begotten, or job titles. It is measured by external events, rather than by an internal measurement and so one remains dependant on others’ approval. This is a thirst that is never quenched.The process of going from external validation to internal validation is not a simple one. It is not simply a matter of saying to oneself that s/he is worthy and therefore has fulfilled the need for Self Esteem. No, because you can not fool yourself. The mind, the Self part, knows all too well whether the person has indeed reached a state of worthiness and therefore fulfilled the need for Self Esteem. So, a person must do those things which will indeed meet the criteria for worthiness. I address how that is done in this book. I have named the process, the WAY.

The single biggest obstacle to meeting needs is FEAR.

Fear is Man’s blessing and curse. It’s a necessary reaction to the unknown danger. Flight or Fight needs the adrenalin that fear produces, and fear causes one to take note of the danger and deal with it appropriately. That’s the key word, appropriately. All too often the steps taken, triggered by fear, are the wrong ones.It has been argued that Laziness is Man’s other limitation. An argument could be made that laziness is one form of wrong response to fear. Those that argue that laziness is a stand alone attribute point to a Law of Physics, Entropy, which states that objects seek to attain a lower state of energy. In other words, we seek to conserve energy to have it available for life threatening events. Either way, Fear of Death is the root.

There are many forms in which fear can manifest itself. A child learns quickly whether he can count on mother for timely food, comfort, freedom from pain, etc. and whether the father is a nurturing provider or a tyrant who abuses his power. Can he be trusted to provide and to guide the family to safety? Events associated with these concerns trigger fear responses. Later, the adolescent is made to feel inferior, weak, less than desirable by the opposite sex, and so on. Authority is abused; rules are unfair and applied unequally. Fear of Authority, and even hatred of those in power or those with success, in sports, school, and those with good looks, all shape the future adult and create an adult with negative views and counterproductive behaviors. Attachment to counterproductive behaviors is a form of slavery, an addiction, resulting in a lack of freedom. To achieve true freedom requires a learning of appropriate responses to fears. Addictions to certain behaviors, laziness, food, drugs, including alcohol and tobacco, the accumulation of possessions, and anger or withdrawal, are most common.

Freedom involves not just a physical freedom of Body, but also a freedom of Mind and Soul. Each dimension needs to be understood and developed correctly. True fulfillment of Man’s Needs is only achieved when proper attention is given to all three dimensions. There are no short cuts.So the foundation for Freedom is the nurturing and development of Mind, Body, and Soul. Eating healthy nutritious meals in the correct amounts, exercising heart, lung, and muscle, and developing a sense of agility and balance, addresses the Body. Learning continuously and distinguishing fact from fiction, understanding emotional needs and the ways to nurture these emotions as well as understanding financial needs and how to acquire the resources needed for a comfortable life, are the ways to address the Mind. And, being a Good person addresses the Soul.

While eating well and exercising seems simple enough, it is surprising how few people achieve this goal. Improving the mind through education, both through schools of learning and through everyday interactions with people and Nature seems also simple enough, yet few people strive to acquire knowledge and to reach their potential. Goodness is yet another simple concept, yet we find most people defining goodness as something done occasionally, not continuously. Many books have been written, many teachers can be found, but it’s the quality of the student that determines the outcome.

Can the quality of the student be altered, improved, changed in any way? Man is born with certain genetic properties. These make up the foundation. But behavior is largely a learned, not genetic, outcome. Behavior can be changed, new ones learned, altered to adapt to changing environments, and, changing circumstances as one grows older. The quality of the student is a function of both the genetic foundation and the superimposed learned behaviors. The focus of a Man intent on achieving Freedom is to modify behavior to result in the greatest probability of attaining this Freedom. Psychotherapy, either self administered or with external guidance, is necessary to analyze the behaviors we have learned since early childhood. Some are good and productive behaviors. Others are counterproductive. Knowing which is which is essential. Knowing how to change the bad ones and learn new productive ones is necessary and yet difficult without some form of assistance. Self help books abound, but again, it’s the quality of the student that matters and there we are in a chicken and egg problem. As the saying goes, “you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make him drink”. Man must have a thirst to learn and change his behavior, for without that thirst nothing is attempted.

Also, a man may listen but not hear, look but not see. How many times do our senses deceive us? How long did we believe the earth was flat? Our minds are full of false perceptions, paradigms, biases, and fear based avoidance behaviors. But where there is a will there is a WAY.


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One of the most famous and best known examples of behavior modification is Pavlov’s dog. In this experiment, a bell is sounded and food brought to the dog. The dog salivates when he sees the food, and soon salivates even when just the bell is sounded though no food appears. This is a simple, yet effective example of conditioning and the creation of a conditioned response. These responses or “habits’ are tough to break. In fact, it’s easier to create a response than to extinguish one, addictions are easier to make than break.

Physiological addictions are numerous. Psychological addictions are even more prevalent. Responses to fear are also conditioned through modeling. We see how others react to a scary situation and, we take on that behavior, not knowing what else may work. Modeling occurs not just in scary situations but also in any situation where success is attained, such as movie stars, successful businessmen, and the like. Children learn many behaviors from their parents. Seeing these behaviors at an early age imprints the child with a life long addiction to these behavior patterns and these are the hardest to unlearn.

Examples are many. A woman with a Mother who nagged and criticized her husband will likely do the same when she marries. A man whose Father was quick to temper and verbally abusive towards his Mother will be likewise with his wife.Unlearning these behaviors becomes the task of the man as he seeks freedom from this form of slavery.

In the case of Pavlov’s dog, unlearning the response to a bell may take years if the conditioning process was done with random, unpredictable intermittent reinforcement. If the food was brought every once in a while the dog will continue to salivate for a very long time even when no food is brought after a bell for a year or more. Gambling addictions are particularly hard to break because of the random intermittent winning that takes place. Bad behaviors learned in childhood through modeling of parents require an equally long time to break, if extinguishing is the sole condition used. The mere fact that the behavior achieves success some of the time leads to a very long time needed to extinguish, and, there is no guarantee that the behavior will no longer receive a reward. Therefore, extinguishing techniques are not successful, even when extinguishing is enhanced through punishment. Punishment, though to some degree helpful, is not sufficiently effective. In the example of the gambling addiction, a man often loses everything, including his family, all his money, his job, etc, and still continues to gamble with every opportunity presented. Alcohol addictions are similar. Anger and abusive behaviors responses are also similar. Punishment and loss is ineffective. Yet, this is what most people experience.

The next most often used technique is what some call the “coming to Jesus” method. Here, a man is taught that he is loved and he is forgiven, if he in turn learns to love Jesus and allows himself to be saved by Him. Churches and such organizations like AA and GA rely on this method. By being “saved” he is “born again”. The slate is wiped clean, he is a new person and he can drop all old behaviors and learn new ones from a different role model, Jesus, and not be dependant on the learned behaviors stemming from his parents or elsewhere. Of course Jesus was not an alcoholic, nor a gambler, nor abusive in any way. See the WAY? If not, the Church or Organization will help with modeling as other members can serve as guides. This method works quite well as evidenced by our President, George W. Bush.

However, not all people are drawn towards Jesus. Therefore what about these people? There is another method.

Freud was the first to realize that man had an unconscious part of his brain that contributed to behavior. Not all behavior was deliberate and conscious. Many physiological needs are fulfilled without a conscious act. Breathing, for example, is controlled automatically. However, he realized that many learned behaviors were also automatic, as I described earlier. He postulated a concept known as Id, Ego and Super Ego. The Id was that part of us where the naughty behaviors resided. Physiological rewards were mainly derived from this area, sex particularly. The Ego was the rational self, controlling most behaviors needed to get around in life. The Super Ego was the parent in us, scolding us if we misbehaved. This model was a breakthrough. It resulted in an understanding of the conflicts in our minds. Different parts of our minds seeking to establish different behaviors. Today, we know about the hindbrain, the midbrain and the forebrain.The hindbrain is our reptilian brain, controlling our physiological needs. The midbrain is our mammalian brain controlling basic behaviors and some problem solving. The forebrain containing the neo cortex is what makes us human. It has the ability to solve more complex problems.The problem we have is that emotions, such as fear, short circuit the neo cortex, and the midbrain or even the hindbrain take over. Flight or Fight is not a neo cortex controlled response. Hence other behaviors residing in the hindbrain and midbrain dominate our responses when fear is present, or when a “bell” is sounded that is associated with fear. So though our rational human self knows the behavior is not appropriate, our emotions lock out that part of our brain when we need to use it. Emotions defeat the neo cortex. “Remain calm” is clearly the way to keep emotions from blocking the neo cortex, but how do you remain calm when the emotion or even just the “bell” is sounded? That’s the $64,000 question. For even “coming to Jesus” can’t occur without assistance, coming to the neo cortex needs assistance. The “bell” needs to be removed. Fear cannot be eliminated when fear is justified, but old, inappropriate, responses to fear need to be eliminated.

Id, Ego, and Super Ego, are concepts 100 years old. The concept of a three sectioned brain is valid, in my opinion. But the Mind needs to be viewed as a computer which is used by the Self, a Self that is distinguished as unique and separate from Mind, Body and Soul. It’s the Life Force, the God within, Omnipresent.The Mind behaves like a tool, like a computer, having hardware, software and information stored in its memory. Some hardware and software is used to run programs automatically, some require manual manipulation and key strokes. Some information is erroneous, some information is incomplete. Some tasks can not be performed. Sometimes the connection is lost.It is important to remember that many functions have been programmed by an outside source, a form of socialization and domestication process that renders us slaves, automatons, and yet also competent and adapted to the environment in which we live. The task of the adult to distinguish between good habits and useful skills, vs. the destructive habits and skills sets requiring modification and improvements.Where does this recognition and differentiation take place? The Ego is where the problem exists. It is in denial of any need to change. The so called Super Ego has been labeled as the source of parental of societal guidance and exhortation. Yet there too reside many false precepts and illusions of what is “right” and “wrong”. Hence there exists the need for a modification to the Freudian concept. In my construct, Super Ego requires education. This education comes from the Self. The Super Ego needs to allow the Self to cleanse it and purge out all false notions, so that it can then more accurately and successfully guide the Ego. With Self in control of Super Ego, the Freudian concept can work.

What is the nature of the Self?It is first and foremost human. Thus it shares a universal similarity with all humans.Secondarily, it is unique to the Individual, like a fingerprint. All humans have fingerprints, yet all are unique. The genetic makeup of the Individual determines many unique features, such as musical, athletic, sexual preference, and so on. A need to “Know Thyself” is a precondition to Self analysis and, with honesty and courage, Self discovery. Then, this Self, must take control over the Mind. This Self must decide to take care of the Body. This Self must decide whether or not to choose Good vs. Evil.

The Self has Free Will and can choose to be Good or Evil. It can choose to nurture or destroy the Body and it can choose whether to be a slave or to be Free, whether to be addicted to certain behaviors or to be Free. Freedom is not an easy choice. It takes painful steps to escape from the bonds of slavery and addictions. It may require years of wandering in a desert, lost in a new environment, self reliant, without a Master to tell us what to do, and how to behave. But for those who choose Freedom, the Promised Land awaits and it is a Land of milk and honey.

Is it that simple? Is it just a matter of decision? Are we with Free Will capable of making the decision to be free from addiction? Just decide? What if you decide but the addiction is too great? Can the addiction be greater than all of the energy we have in us? Clearly, theoretically, the answer has to be no. The addiction is a lesser order energy than the Total. So if one is unsuccessful it can only mean that one did not use the Total. Maybe a person does not know how to use the Total. If you never try, you can never succeed. You have to keep on trying, unlocking the Total. You don’t have the Total part time. You don’t lose control and then seek Total. Total is Total. Total is all the time, 24/7. You don’t switch it on and off whenever you think about it. It has to be on all the time. ALL THE TIME.

The concept of Gestalt psychotherapy, founded by Fritz Perls, attempts to raise awareness that Man is whole when all parts, mind, body and soul are healthy. This Gestalt, or wholeness, is something greater than the sum of all the parts. Hence the German word “gestalt”. However, Gestalt therapy had only marginal success. Why did it fail?Psychotherapy fails for the same reason that religion fails. The practice of religion is done during Holidays, Sundays, and many times even in between. But rarely is it practiced totally, 24/7. Religious leaders preach that it should be practiced 24/7, but the congregation dismisses this. Instead, a belief that sometimes is good enough is widely held. This is also true with psychotherapy. The individual learns but practices what is learned only when he or she thinks about it. This on and off use of the neo cortex is insufficient. To attain Self Actualization, to achieve Freedom, to Live Life Fully, to be Fully Human, the neo cortex must remain “on” ALL THE TIME.

This takes practice, since we allow it to fall asleep even when we are awake. Much like a computer when not in use, it automatically goes into a “sleep” mode to conserve energy. Humans do this as part of Nature, the Law of Entropy. One needs to be aware of this feature. It takes practice. The Buddhist monks, for example, used meditation to keep the neo cortex functioning. While humans evolved to have a neo cortex, this part of our brain, unlike the hindbrain and midbrain, is not “on” all the time. Conscious problem solving thought is an active act. This activity is no different than any other that requires Will. But we have Free Will. We have to use it and the more we use it the better. The more we use it the more we become able to use it…practice, practice, practice. ALL THE TIME.

If we strive for wholeness, Self Actualization, or whatever word you prefer, it is accomplished only with Total or “gestalt” energy. It is not a part time hobby. Anything less than Total fails, because addictions are powerful. Addictions win out over part time attention. Fear takes over and drives us to the wrong places.

The need for Self Esteem can only be fulfilled from within. It is not a function of external events such as recognition from others. Nor should a person base his Self Esteem on what possessions he has obtained. A person should not base his Self Esteem by the title of his job nor his rank in the pecking order in the Organization Structure. These are all external to him. These are not him. Only his actions define him and that is the right source of measurement for Self Esteem. It’s is all about the inside of the person (Self), not external objects or labels. To achieve a sense of Self Esteem, these actions need to be good. Goodness (drop one “o” and you get god ness), is a necessary condition to achieve the development of a healthy Soul. A healthy Body, Mind, and Soul, all three, is needed to achieve true Self Actualization.

God created Man to be different from animals. He made him animal first and then later modified him to make him a human. Humans are distinguished from animals in that they are the only species with a neo cortex. This “new brain” is the evolutionary advancement, or modification by God. Use it and you are human. Neglect it and you are just animal. Use it ALL THE TIME and you are Fully Human, Fully Alive, and Self Actualized.TOTAL is the term I use for using all the brain ALL THE TIME. The hindbrain and midbrain are active all the time, but the neo cortex is active only when engaged. It’s often disengaged, particularly when fear is aroused, or addictive behavior with its root based on fear, is present. This addiction based behavior, “man as automaton”, can only be countered with the neo cortex engaged. It takes an act of Free Will to engage the neo cortex. This is a conscious, deliberate, act. However, Free Will is located in the neo cortex. Only with this part of the brain can Man achieve his potential for goodness.

The Metaphysics of Quality, which attempts to describe Man’s “goodness quality”, or Quality of Service, may be a measure of his use of Free Will to do God’s Plan.

In addition to His Ten Commandments, He said “Ye shall be on to Me a Nation of Priests”. By everyone being Priests, everyone is equal. By being Priests, everyone is learned and is spreading that knowledge by being a teacher.So why is it that so few choose freedom?

It’s fear. Fear of change, fear of failure, fear of death.The conflict then is between Man’s innate desire and need for freedom, and, fear. The voices inside of you speak opposing thoughts. In some cases these opposing directions result in neurosis and even psychosis. Mental health becomes so deteriorated that hospitalization and drugs are needed to reach some sort of stability for the person to be able to function sufficiently to meet primary needs. At this point access to Free Will is very remote.Cartoons depicting the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other shoulder speaking conflicting messages in each ear are a classic. Which one should you listen to? The devil leads us to the temptation for more fun, or the easy way out, the lazy way. The angel is urging us to goodness and that is not much “fun”. Or so it seems. That is another misconception, another fiction. The midbrain and hindbrain work together to satisfy basic needs no matter what it takes. These needs are so powerful that if not met, death is the result. You can not avoid these needs and survive. So, you can let that part of the brain lead you to satisfaction of these needs or you can assist by engaging the neo cortex in addition to the hindbrain and midbrain. By doing this, rational and enlightened actions , which do not at the same time cause injury to higher order needs such as Self Esteem, can be used .

Let’s take a concrete example. The prostitute sells sex for money. She needs the money for her basic needs, but she is miserable because her Self Esteem needs are not fulfilled. Her physiological needs, however, take priority, so she continues to prostitute. She has addictions, possibly to drugs, and she has other fear rooted behaviors which are also well established. What can change? She goes on and on until she dies a lonely wretched, unhappy person. If her friends tell her she should stop this behavior, what are her choices? Without acquiring skills she can not earn enough money. Can she change her habits sufficiently to need less money.? How? She needs a much greater power than the power of her habits and this power is so strong. There is only one source of this “greater power”. Only one power can overcome these habits.We often think we are much different than the prostitute hooked on drugs. But we’re are the same. The habits are just as powerful. The road to change is just as difficult. The symptoms may look different, but the need to tap into the “greater power” remains the same.

This greater power exists within us. It’s the use of the TOTAL mind, ALL THE TIME, for the pursuit of goodness. If you give your neo cortex Total control of your actions, ALL THE TIME, you can change. You can become what is your potential to become and that is to be free from slavery, fully alive, fully human and Self Actualized.Everyone can do it. We all have Free Will. Just decide to use it and don’t stop for any thing. “Everyone is called, everyone is chosen”. So one can apply Free Will to heed the call, or, ignore the call. Given the choice between being a slave or to be Free which do you take?

The neo-cortex is where rational and complex problem solving occurs. Similar to a computer, it must have the “software” that enables problem solving, and, it must be free of “viruses” that would cripple its’ proper functioning. A good education is very important. Separating fact from fiction, making sure evidence is available to reach conclusions on what is fact and what is fiction. Illusions abound and so these need to be examined and dealt with.

“Half Moon” is the name of my sailboat. Appropriately named, it symbolizes the illusions under which we labor. There is no such thing as a half moon, it’s only a perception of the senses and we are bombarded with sensory data that misleads us to believe the world is the way it is, but we are mostly incorrect and our decisions that follow, therefore, do not get us the desired results. This begs the question of what to do about it and how to differentiate fact from fiction, illusion from reality? The answer lies, partly, with Science. Knowledge obtained using scientific methodology, the accumulation of a body of evidence to confirm the theory or hypothesis is the best way to arrive at truths. School and books are the best way to tap in the knowledge available through Science. However, there are areas where science is difficult to apply. There, faith is needed, but faith in what? If history teaches us that faith has been misplaced and people led to wrong doings through the use of faith, then which truths can we trust to be legitimate and believed through faith? Certain principles are acceptable to me and I will abide by these through faith.
These are:
The principle of Love and Goodness.
The 10 Commandments.
The principle of Teaching Truths.
The use of TOTAL as a means to practice rational behavior.

So there you have it, a concept of Self Actualization that involves first the fulfillment of Physiological, Safety, Belongingness, and, Self Esteem needs through the development to maximum health and potential, the Mind, Body, and Soul.

I think it is safe to say that some parts are easier than others. For example, there is a lot of information on how to develop the Body….eat well, exercise, are easily available. If a person chooses to neglect his/her body, then they will be handicapped. It’s also well known what defines a “good” person. “Do unto others”, the 10 Commandments, and teaching/mentoring others, all enrich the Soul.
However, the more difficult part is the enrichment and the proper use of the Mind. While going to school, reading and learning from others, is relatively straightforward, I will try to address the use of the neo-cortex to change undesirable behaviors, and, learn desirable ones. Mind over Matter should read Mind over Mind.

The challenge is to find a method, or technique, that will allow a person to use his higher order mind, the neo-cortex, to control the midbrain and even the hindbrain. Buddhist monks achieve this, but we can not live like monks here in the Western world. So, what is the course of action? Can a form of psychotherapy be developed that accomplishes this task?

Gestalt psychotherapy is the closest model we have from which we can start.As I wrote earlier, the failure of Gestalt psychotherapy, and all therapies, including religion, is the failure of the student to “stick with it”. It is, in part, a reflection of the “quality” of the student. It is also a failure to develop techniques which ensure the use of the method 24/7.
I address this latter issue through the use of the concept of TOTAL. The use of the neo-cortex, the conscious portion of the Mind, 24/7. But TOTAL is just a word. How does a person accomplish the use of TOTAL? How do we ensure there are no lapses? Certainly practice, practice, practice, is critical. But so too is motivation. For without motivation, a person will not practice enough.

Motivation, therefore, is antecedent.

Motivation is first present when the individual is dissatisfied with his/her life and seeks help. Without dissatisfaction there is no reason to seek change. There are also people who are drawn towards Self Actualization as the next step in their lives but need coaching to help get there. They are basically content but have a yearning for more. These people are motivated. But in both cases, the degree of motivation may not be sufficient to drive a person to practice 24/7.

Practice is needed for an undetermined amount of time until the continuous use of the neo-cortex becomes habitual, and focus is no longer necessary. Many people quit before they reach that point. They quit for various reasons, laziness, impatience, lack of visible progress, and so forth Rewards are needed to maintain focus, maintain the gain, and stay on course.Rewards can be 1) visible, tangible progress and its’ corresponding decrease in stress and increase in external validation, and 2) internal validation due to the perception of change for the better. The practice of TOTAL can be done with or without a personal counselor; much like exercise can be done with or without a personal trainer. Many will need, though not choose, a personal trainer. Lack of money is a primary cause. Fear of failure is another equally strong reason to attempt this without the use of a personal counselor, or “witness” to the failure. These I can not change. Lack of money is sad, but fear of failure can be addressed. Everyone has that to some extent. But once the initial steps are taken, the rewards need to be sufficient to precipitate continuation. Discipline is needed, and this can be self discipline, or, encouraged, prompted, by the counselor.

The Song that continuously plays in your mind, over and over, is a mantra. TOTAL needs to be a mantra. By saying the mantra, over and over, it helps create a means to ensure attention. This is needed so that practice becomes a habit.But what is the practice? This question is similar to asking what must be practiced if one wanted to become a musician and learn to play a musical instrument, or if one wanted to learn to become a good golfer with a very low handicap. In each case, the right things need to be practiced, over and over. Many hours, days, even years, is required. And, while instruction books are very good, a coach gives feedback, oversees a schedule, plus enhances discipline.

Timshel, the Hebrew word for “thou mayest“, is found in the book of Genesis and the story of Cain and Abel. A man may choose goodness over evil. A human has Free Will. But in anger, a human is often tempted to use evil rather than goodness.
Can the anger be controlled to a point that no anger is ever permitted to be formed? I do not think so, for even God has been known to be angry. Even God punishes.So goodness is not exclusive of anger, nor of force.
There can not be good without evil. It’s a ying and yang phenomenon.If I do something bad, I can be pardoned. But if I continue to be bad, it’s a choice. I have a choice to choose to be good rather than to choose to be bad. I can choose to be free from addictions, or to remain addicted. That is my choice.Man has Free Will, and, with that Free Will he may choose to be Good or he may choose to be Evil. God made that clear to Cain. He also stated that if Cain chooses Good , God will protect him. However, if he chooses Evil, God will not punish him, but rather simply leave him to suffer at whatever consequences follow his actions. Self Actualization did not come up in this conversation, so the reader may wonder how these two are connected.The connection is through the work of Abraham Maslow who postulated a Theory that Self Actualization follows only after the fulfillment of Self Esteem needs. I postulate that Self Esteem needs can only be fulfilled by internal validation, not by external validation such as the acquisition of material things, job titles, or praise from others. Internal validation, in my view, occurs with the expression of Goodness, which leads to the approval from God, and the Self within, since God communicates to Man through the Self. Hence the Self is acknowledged and in this way given Freedom. Through the expression of Goodness, the circle is closed. The Self Esteem need is fulfilled and Self Actualization can proceed.

To be free from addictions is to be free from slavery. I have postulated a concept I call TOTAL. This is the total, 24/7 use of the forebrain to monitor and censure the brain from emotional, fight or flight like responses to attacks, such as criticism. Perhaps the forebrain is too weak to censure the midbrain and hind brain. The hierarchy of needs makes survival a greater power than higher order needs, If these latter needs are fulfilled by problem solving stemming from forebrain functions, yet these needs are subordinate to lower order, survival needs, then, when threatened, is it reasonable to suggest that the forebrain can over ride the midbrain? Perhaps not and that is why we often fail when threatened.

I compared TOTAL to the acts of Buddhist monks who practice meditation. These monks live stress free. All are equal and all needs fulfilled. They can achieve a state of meditation because they are free from lower order needs.It may be an illusion to think that modern day man can engage in a form of continuous meditation that makes the forebrain in control of all functions, 24/7. We feel threatened by certain events. Hence, emotion is inevitable and with emotion comes midbrain and hindbrain control, over riding forebrain. If that is indeed a Law of Nature, then a psychotherapy based on “intellectualization” will not work. It seems that all these “talking therapies” have failed, unless they succeeded in taping into the emotional centers. There has been reported success with Primal Scream therapies, for example. Also, there have been some very emotional conversions to religions, and Born Again Christians do seem to have undergone radical changes in behavior. Change in behavior seems to take place only with a component that is “shock”, a very emotional breakthrough of sorts. People who experience a close call with death, an emotional loss of a loved one, for example, often result in permanent change. It is not a planned intellectual process but rather a sudden conversion in one emotional outpouring, an exorcism.That explains why alcoholics and drug addicts don’t change until they reach the very bottom of the gutter. Even then, not all change, many die.Nevertheless, a TOTAL focus, over a period of time, a consequence of continual practice, can result in substantial progress and even permanent change.TOTAL then is best described as the Self taking control of the Mind, 24/7, and educating it with correct data, erasing all false data, and using the Minds’ programs effectively. Self Realization occurs when the Self takes control and frees the Mind from fear based addictions.

All animals use fight or flight as a means of dealing with fear. Humans are no exception. Fight includes anger, aggressive behaviors such as persecution, racism, mean and caustic words and the like. Flight can be withdrawal of all kinds including drugs, alcohol, overeating and smoking, consumption of all kinds even including purchasing clothes, cars and jewelry, are all forms of dealing with insecurity.When the baby is crying for lack of food or because of discomfort, the parent offers food, or something to suck. Love and attention begotten as a consequence of crying is a strong determinant of future behavior. Complain, act weak, and you will receive love. This sets the course for many illusions about how to deal effectively with fear and insecurities. In the adult, these ultimately all lead to failure and disappointment. But it could last a life time. Temporary satisfaction from consumption, or withdrawal, or from aggressive behavior, can satiate the need if performed over and over in frequent intervals.

But humans have a distinct difference from other animals in that they have a forebrain capable of absorbing a lot of information. Unfortunately, not all the data is accurate. The cleansing of misinformation and the acquisition of Truth can bring a person to be more effective in dealing with Fears. But the process of cleansing and of acquiring Truth is not simple. There are several problems. One is to determine which data is faulty? What is Truth?

There are two classes of Truths, Universal Truths and Individual Truths.The Universal Truths are the Laws of Nature and the Laws of God. Both Laws are the same, though named differently. The distinction comes from the fact that the former are typically backed by evidence from Science. The latter come from philosophers and theologians. These often are distorted to suit the theologian or philosopher and this makes it difficult.
The 10 Commandments, the concept of “do unto others”, the principle of equality, and, of teaching and spreading Truth among the impoverished of knowledge, are all fundamental to the development of an Adult character. However, simply possessing information does not guarantee it will be used, nor used correctly. That is why I have developed the concept of TOTAL. Only through the exercise of the Truth on a 24/7 basis can the extinction of false information and resultant behavior be achieved.
Individual Truths are unique to the individual and are what makes the person different. These are all the behaviors learned and behaviors which are based on genetic strengths and limitations. These need to be examined closely for many behaviors are the result of false perceptions, illusions which result in counterproductive behaviors. The examination then requires action, TOTAL focus, to substitute productive behaviors.I have come to a point where I conclude that there exists a WAY of Life that leads to happiness, through the fulfillment of God’s Plan for the Human race. This WAY is the path to Self Actualization, and it involves the eradication of harmful habits, or addictions, and the creation of healthy habits which are consistent with Reality and the Laws of Nature. It is a WAY to Freedom. It is symbolized by the story of Exodus, where the parting of the Red Sea allows the slaves to reach the desert and eventually the Promised Land.

Every man has his own path, but not all paths lead to a happy, fulfilled life. The path which does, however, I’ve coined the term, the WAY. This word is derived from the name that God called Himself when asked by Moses, “Who should I say has given me these instructions”? Though God initially did not want to be called by a name, he eventually agreed and the Hebrew word that God finally uttered was Yahweh. I Anglo size it by making it YA WAY. The English translation for Yahweh is “I am in the process of becoming”. It’s a burning bush that is never consumed, energy that can not be created nor destroyed. It’s a process. Some may call it the Life Force. Some may call it Evolution. But it’s both these and more. It’s a process that is nameless for it is not conceivable in its nature. Hence it must remain nameless, yet to speak about it a name must be used, hence YA WAY, or more simply, the WAY.

The WAY and TOTAL are linked. TOTAL is the use of the forebrain to control the Mind and to eradicate bad addictions and create healthy habits. But who or what controls the forebrain? This is the Self, the Life Force, or God, Yahweh, or the WAY. But for the WAY to control the forebrain, this brain must be receptive to His wishes. Even though God and Moses were there to assist the slaves to leave their Egyptian Masters, only 25% of them heeded the call and left with Moses. Everyone is called, everyone is chosen, but not everyone heeds the call.

Those that escaped slavery were given Ten Commandments and one request. That is all that would be necessary for the people to remain Free and be led to the Promised Land, the Land of milk and honey.

1) There is to be no other God.
2) There are to be no graven images to symbolize or represent God.
3) The reference to God should never be spoken in vain.
4) Work 6 days and rest one day.
5) Honor your parents
6) Do not murder
7) Do not steal
8) Do not commit adultery
9) Do not lie and give false evidence against your neighbor.
10) Do not be envious of your neighbors’ belongings, nor his wife, nor anything else that is your neighbors‘.

And one request: You shall be a Nation of Priests.

There was nothing else and anything else that came after was not fashioned by Yahweh, rather it was created by men. That which I state above is Fundamental and is all encompassing and sufficient. This is JudeoChristian Fundamentalism.

There are so many illusions as we grow up and continuing into adulthood. These illusions create false needs which, being false can not be fulfilled, leaving a constant searching and resultant frustration.The child feels inferior to adults, weak, unskilled and unknowing. This “inferiority complex” leads to a constant need to prove one worthy and strong. Typically, the child seeks to find weaker peers to bully, mock or tease. He or she will try many activities including sports, theater, music, academia, etc, looking for areas of strength where he/she can excel, or at least out perform, some of their peers, thereby gaining a sense of self worth. The area can be stumbled upon or chosen with some insight, but the result is often a false sense of direction and a false path to eventual disappointment. All too often these early successes mislead the individual into thinking this is the one area he/she should concentrate in later life.The situation is further strengthened as the Persona becomes confused with the Self. The Persona becomes the dominant function, making the Self completely diffused into nothingness.

Furthermore, other archetypes seek to be liberated from this domination by the Persona. As the teenage years advance, the Shadow comes through demanding recognition. If the Shadow is squelched, it may arise once more later in life. Early marriage often fails because of the rise to prominence of the Shadow. Or, Anima/Animus archetypes take over control and the Persona is pushed into submission.In all these cases, the Self is still submerged in the unconscious. This is the Jungian explanation.

To the lay person, these Jungian terms are foreign and difficult to understand. Simply stated, the personality of a man /woman is a synthetic fabrication. Much like the clothes we wear, it’s an exterior phenomenon, placed upon us and resembling our form. But it is just a cladding and not the real “Self”. It creates an illusion. For example, if I wore a suit of armor, would that make me a Knight? If I wore a bullfighters’ costume, would that make me a bullfighter?

The personality develops according the role we take on, and the role we take is often just an accident of circumstances which developed as a consequence of early successes and rewards. Soon the personality becomes so strong, so entrenched, that the Self is lost in the background. And yet, the personality itself is underdeveloped, with other facets so immature that, when required, the resulting behavior is unskilled and unsuccessful outcomes are the result. This failure leads to avoidance and avoidance leads to the permanence of immaturity or underdevelopment. Irrational behavior or ,at best, unskilled attempts to address situations requiring these undeveloped areas of personality result in unfulfilled needs or even total avoidance of these situations. Attempts to self identify result in continuous misinterpretations and the Self becomes increasingly frustrated, even to the point where depression sets in, ultimately risking deeper problems such as neurosis, psychosis, and even schizophrenia.

Not all children grow to become depressed young adults. But all children need to recognize the pitfalls and to learn how to develop those areas of personality that remain immature. This process leads to greater fulfillment and success in a multitude of endeavors. Success breeds ventures into increasing complex endeavors, each resulting in growth of the personality and the eventual liberation of the Self. Self Actualization, occurring in adulthood, results when the individual no longer seeks to become attached to others and no longer seeks to develop self esteem. When self esteem needs are easily fulfilled due to successes with many endeavors and feedback is from within and not dependent on others’ approval, Self Actualization can occur. This is the ultimate human need.

As I have written before, Self Actualization is dependant on fulfilling belongingness and self esteem needs. These needs can only become satisfied when illusions are dispelled and reality perceived, and when skills are developed which lead to success. These skills become developed when a concerted effort is made. It takes discipline, and well guided effort. To the extent that illusions create misguided effort, the results are uniformly unsuccessful.

So it is imperative to first identify the illusions. That can be a huge task. A person is often unwilling to face these illusions because to do so means to abandon what has been achieved, or so it seems. That is another illusion. It’s a difficult task. One must unlearn, undo, in some cases. Unlearning bad behavior is a long process. The process works best when learning new behavior takes place and that new behavior is practiced over and over until it becomes the dominant one, the preferred response in the situation where before the bad behavior would have been solicited.How is this new behavior learned? It’s best learned with a teacher, but teachers are expensive and difficult to find. Furthermore, even with a good teacher, not all students are good students. Success rate is low.It is difficult to teach Reality.

Certain areas are easier than others. For example, the Law of Gravity is easy to teach and is normally learned even without the use of a teacher, early in life. Other Laws are more difficult to understand, though the Laws of Physics can be learned usually in early adulthood. Laws of Behavior are even more complex. Typically, students discover rather than accept information as being true. Students need confirmation that truth is truth, through actual experiences. There is no substitute for the experience for without it the student is merely a parrot. But, unfortunately, even bad behavior can lead to some desirable results, and this leads to entrenchment of that behavior. Ultimately, bad behavior leads to limitations which are the roots to failure to achieve higher order needs. It’s these early developments of bad behaviors which are hard to unlearn and which require substitution.

Motivation is needed to make the effort to learn new behaviors. This motivation may be missing. The student who is motivated needs either a teacher to come at the right time (“when the student is ready the teacher appears”), or the fortuitous experiences which lead to discovery.Without motivation, however, progress is either extremely slow or even non existent.

Humans need symbols. Jung wrote about this extensively.If I told you that to survive you had to learn the Laws of Nature and that one of these laws was to stop at every intersection, you would have a difficult time adhering to this law which seems to not make any sense. Why stop if no car is coming? In residential areas there may not be a need to stop at every intersection. So man needs a stop sign to tell him where he needs to stop. Even then he may cheat and that is why Man creates a police force and fines. The symbol, the stop sign, reminds him to stop. This is an oversimplification, yet, an example of Man’s need for a symbol. So too he needs a Jesus, a role model, a symbol of how he must behave. How does a person reconcile the need for symbols and Gods’ command to not worship graven images and to have no other god before Him? Simply by acknowledging that the symbol is just a symbol, a reminder, and that the symbol is not God. By practicing and teaching the 10 Commandments and the WAY, the symbol, eventually, is not even needed.But if the symbol becomes God and is worshipped as God, man loses his ability to control his fate. He becomes a subordinate to an inanimate object. He fears rather than loves. He is helpless. God controls his life, which is the same as having nothing control his life and life becomes out of control. If something bad happens, it was Gods’ will. Man does not take responsibility for the consequences of his actions. It was Gods’ will so he is blameless. Yet the most important thing that a man must learn is to take responsibility for his actions and to lead a life that is purposeful.

While it is true that a sinner can become a good person, if he so chooses, the consequences of sinning are not avoidable. Sinning results in consequences and confession is only an admission and a step towards change. If someone believes that sinning has no consequences simply because he/she went to confession, they are grossly misled, another illusion. But if confession is a first step towards changing one’s approach to life, then confession can be useful. After all, one does have to be able to acknowledge that evil is evil and differentiate evil from good.

If goodness is action which contributes to God’s Plan and evil is action which impedes, what is God’s Plan?We know about His 10 Commandments and his request, but we do not know what His intentions were. We can infer. If Man is the result of energy being expressed in a form of light which has been slowed down so much that a cluster, called mass, formed into an extremely complex order capable of very “intelligent” behavior as the result, then we could infer that God’s Plan is the creation of complexity through the slowing down of photons into complex clusters of energy., we call mass. Preservation of these resulting complex forms contributes to God’s Plan. That is why murder is evil and “morally or ethically” wrong. That is why harming the Planet is wrong.

Why would photons slow down? Is it simply random collisions? Suffice it said that God’s Plan sets the basis for the definition of good and evil and that good actions result in Self Esteem needs becoming fulfilled and Self Actualization possible.

In addition to the Ten Commandments, and the Teaching of Truths, there is the Principle of Love and Goodness. All are needed to be practiced in order to achieve a level of goodness and internally derived sense of Self Esteem. They are Laws of Nature, Truths which are fundamental to the Way. The Principle of Love and Goodness includes gratefulness, forgiveness, and true love.

If a person does not feel grateful to have been given the opportunity to be alive on this Planet, he does not value life, not his or those of any other species. You have to value life to be motivated to protect it and make the most of the time available. The act of being grateful is one of the most powerful means of attaining a state of happiness. Each day is valued and each day lived is a cause for joy.

Letting go the anger we feel for all the wrongs inflicted on us in the past is a fundamental key to living in the present and therefore living fully alive. The past must be a source of knowledge, but we can not remain slaves of the past. Forgiveness frees us from the past.
Love is the energy that fuels motivation and, therefore, growth. Without motivation, people are not able to accomplish anything. Certain lower order needs, such as hunger, does not require love, these are driven from the pons, or reptilian brain, and love is not a prerequisite. Higher order needs do require love. The higher the need, the greater and better quality the love needs to be. Self esteem and self actualization can not be met without a well defined and purposeful, focused love.
Therefore, a good understanding of the nature of love is needed if one is to be successful at satisfying these higher order needs. Love is multifaceted and complex. There is conditional love and unconditional love. The latter is more easily understood as a mothers’ love for her child. It is instant, strong, and ever lasting. Conditional love can come and go, depending on “conditions”. There are many forms of these conditional states of love. These can range from love for beautiful objects, including a fellow human and this is true love, to pity and various forms of caring which stems from having a pet or a highly dependant human companion. But this form of love can also be a means to control, manipulate, and possess the object of love, especially if it is another human. This is not true love, it is a form of domination designed to achieve Self Esteem needs, but it fails due to the symbiotic nature and dependency one another’s weakness. Only true love is capable of bringing joy.
Once true love is established, it needs to be nurtured, cultivated like a garden. The process of cultivation resembles cooking, whereby meals require many ingredients to be wonderful, or few to be edible and sustainable. The wonderful cook, like a wonderful lover, is very skillful, and is the result of careful and thorough apprenticeship.Some cooks, mainly men, are satisfied with simple meat and potatoes and they are not interested in learning more. Though some of the best chefs are men, women more generally take up this skill.
Basic ingredients for a good loving relationship are physical attraction, similar values, personalities that complement, and a capability to resolve conflict amicably and intelligently rather than “fight or flight”. Also, the ability to focus on one’s own behaviors that needs improvement rather than to focus on the partners’ behaviors.
The special ingredients, or the spices which enhance, include unselfish love making, a sense of gratefulness for all life, including gratefulness for the others’ presence in ones’ life, and a willingness to forgive others’ weaknesses and mistakes.The act of loving is an action which brings joy. This is an internal reward that reinforces the Self and fuels the TOTAL focus. By loving someone, Nature, mankind, etc, you do God’s work and your Quality of Service increases. Don’t wait to be loved before you start to love. Joy is a result of loving. And you can’t be loved unless you are able to love yourself.

Loving is the way to an internal validation. By examining what and who you love, it reveals who you are.But loving is not the same as needing. “I love you because I need you” is vastly different than “I need you because I love you”. Understanding the difference is the key to unlocking true love.

Muscle memory and the constant practice of correct movement is the key to athletic excellence. The same process is required for thought memory and the correct thought processes which is the key to intelligent and successful behavioral outcomes. The concept of TOTAL is analogous to the daily practice of muscular movement. It is the daily mantra of the WAY.

The WAY is outlined above. It includes the practice of the 10 Commandments, the proper exercise of Love and Goodness, and the passing on to others the teachings of the WAY.

As I reach the final phase of my life, I have the time to reflect on the past and to try to attain Self Actualization before I die. I have the time to reflect and I have the knowledge which can be used in a focused, disciplined, way to achieve the result I have sought most of my adult life. The WAY is simple and easy to understand. However, the practice of the WAY is more difficult and it requires a TOTAL effort. This is not unlike the practice of a sport or musical instrument. It should not be surprising to learn that the incorporation of the WAY as a way of life, especially as one reaches a mature age, is not easy, in fact just as difficult as taking up golf or the piano at a mature age. The desired level of skill and accomplishment may take several years, but great progress can be made quickly albeit if not thoroughly and without slip-ups. But each day of practice contributes to an overall improvement in wellness and satisfaction with life.

The WAY is not difficult to understand. It almost seems too simple to require much practice. However, finding the WAY often means first finding freedom from slavery caused by addictions. These may be addictions to drugs, alcohol, sex, or other forms of inappropriate escapism, or the use of anger (Flight or Fight). Behaviors which are destructive and yet deeply ingrained require much focused effort. TOTAL is that means to attain the required level of effort, and, substitution of desired behaviors, stemming from the WAY, is a complement to this effort. Both TOTAL effort and the incorporation of the WAY in daily life lead to a state of happiness derived from a feeling of freedom and bliss, a fulfillment of Self Esteem needs and, ultimately, Self Actualization.

Self Actualization is very dependent on the nature of the Self. As I wrote earlier, the Self is very often suppressed by the Persona. This takes place at a very young age, when the child develops the Persona in order to fit in with the society in which he is raised. It’s an adaptation and survival necessity. However, the Persona becomes so strong that the Self remains suppressed well into adulthood and very often, a life time. However, the Self continuously tries to manifest itself, through dreams, and sometimes even through some “peak experiences” which Maslow describes. Even Maslow conceded that Self Actualization is elusive and that moments of self actualization is about all we can expect. Theses moments are found during peak experiences. Unfortunately, for almost all of us, peak experiences are also very elusive.

In some societies, a Persona is not needed in order to survive, or even to be accepted. Everyone is equal, everyone the same. These are societies that are homogeneous, and not exposed to other societies with which they must compete or be compared to and possibly be made to feel inferior. When one is born into such a society, self actualization is still a task, and many fail, but that task is made easier since the question of “who am I” is answered early. The only remaining question is, “how good am I”?
But in Modern Societies, we are exposed to so many challenges. Survival is not sufficient. Our needs go way beyond survival needs, even beyond Belongingness needs. Our every day life is a constant search to fulfill Self Esteem Needs. We are taught that Self Esteem is only fulfilled with external validation. How much money you earn, what kind of car you drive, jewelry you wear, house you own, and other toys, even how good looking and successful is your mate! This approach fails. The thirst is never quenched, the need therefore, never fulfilled. The man finds himself on a treadmill running faster and faster and getting nowhere.Self Esteem must be fulfilled by internal validation and to do so requires a sense of Goodness, and a healthy Mind, Body and Soul. But once Self esteem needs are fulfilled and the Self is liberated, is it free to be truly the Self or is the Persona still very much in control and the Self still dominated by this Persona?

This is a question that I am posing to myself as I explore who I am through sailing and learning to be a sailor, independent from others and therefore not needing my Persona any more.This is the Journey that I am on, now. If Maslow is correct with his claim that Self Actualization proceeds when Self Esteem needs are fulfilled, is it a natural phenomenon, or are there skills required to develop the Self which has been suppressed for so long?
This I will try to discover as I sail by mySelf.

But first, I must be sure my Self Esteem needs are fulfilled.